Garden State

Shirt: Homesick Clothing Co

Choker: Clothes Show Live

Creepers: Primark 

I've wanted a T-shirt dress for a long time, so I was super stoked when this shirt from Homesick Clothing Co turned out to be T-shirt dress length. To keep things minimal, I chose to style the shirt with a pair of creepers and a choker necklace. Then, I tied my hair in a topknot for some uptown funk. 

As for the story behind this shirt, it's a long one. I'll try to give you the SparksNotes version. 

As a young teenager, I watched Garden State and this quote explained all the feelings I couldn't explain myself: 

"You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of a sudden even though you have some place where you put your shit, that idea of home is gone. It's like you feel homesick for a place that doesn't even exist. Maybe it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I don't know, but I miss the idea of it, you know. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people that miss the same imaginary place."

Growing up, I always felt homesick. I was happy in my hometown, but nothing ever truly felt like home. Something was missing, and it was tangible but it also wasn't tangible because I couldn't grasp what was missing. 

Then. Then, I studied abroad in London second semester of my junior year in college and all the puzzle pieces fell together in the most cliche of ways. Everything clicked. I finally felt like I was exactly where I should be. I finally felt at home. 

In London, I found myself. I gained the courage to chase the dreams that scared me. I grew in every possible way: mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and even physically because I felt taller (ha). I felt like the city had all the answers to all my questions, so I flew back after college to spend a few months with Conde Nast. And it was even better the second time around! I collaborated with Vogue editors, worked on magazine layout for GQ magazine, and even got to cover the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. It was all so surreal and nothing has felt like home since. 

Now that I'm back in Southern California, I'm still homesick for London because I feel like that city is the catalyst to my personal growth (and I mean, duh, it's inarguably the best place in the entire world). Every time I see a photo of London on Instagram, I start weeping uncontrollably and then I tag my best friend so we can weep together. But, in all seriousness, I've also learned that even if a place doesn't feel like home, it doesn't mean you can't grow and it doesn't mean you can't be happy. 

What I love about Homesick Clothing Co is how it evokes this beautiful, sad nostalgia, but it also encourages you to keep the nostalgia from paralyzing your present. In my TOOVIA magazine interview with Homesick's creator, she says: 

"Homesick ruts are sneaky. I need to remind myself of my own advice frequently. I believe that being stuck in the past or missing a place where you used to be is a common state of mind. However, happiness is determined by how you react to the nostalgia. A moment can never be recreated exactly how it was. It’s okay to feel sad about a cherished memory being over, but if you dwell there for too long, you can’t move forward. Instead, you can embrace the warmth this feeling once gave you, and you can use it as inspiration for creating new memories that will bring you joy."

And I think that's incredibly important. I don't know if I'll ever find a place as good as London. But Southern California has its own perks. Yesterday, I sat on the La Jolla cliffs at sunset, sharing chips and guac with good friends and it felt like home. 

Music

Port St. Willow

Lower Dens

Phantogram 

xx