Wasting Color

Dress: eShakti

Turtleneck Sweater: Vintage

Mary Jane Heels: Vintage

I recently listened to a Laurie Simmons interview where she said she can't shake the first 17 years of her life from her art & then I read Tavi Gevinson's Infinity Diaries & then I heard this song by The Chainsmokers whilst running around my hometown & everything coalesced into this photo series. 

I've wanted to shoot on a tennis court for a long time. To me, there's something inherently nostalgic about a tennis court. A bucolic image with Coppola-angst undertones. Clean lines. Contrasting hues. The whole thing's such a reflection of girlhood. The teenage years. 

Back when everything was so extreme. When you thought the boy you were "in love" with was "forever". When anything bad seemed like the end of the world. 

Joan Didion once wrote, "I think we are well advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be, whether we find them attractive company or not. Otherwise they turn up unannounced and surprise us, come hammering on the mind's door at 4 a.m. of a bad night and demand to know who deserted them, who betrayed them, who is going to make amends. We forget all too soon the things we thought we could never forget. We forget the loves and the betrayals alike, forget what we whispered and what we screamed, forget who we were. I have already lost touch with a couple of people I used to be."

It's funny, looking back now, how much things have changed. You realize the boy you were head over heels for at 17 is not forever. You learn that part of the beauty of growing up is gaining strength from overcoming the bad, rather than submitting to the throes of "rock bottom". I am so different now. And yet.

And yet, the memories of 15, 16, 17, 18. They're still there. I vividly remember the 2 a.m. phone calls. Weekends by the sea. That night under the stars. Car rides with you. Badminton in the Taco Bell drive-thru. (LOL.) It's insane. How almost a decade has passed, but it all feels like just yesterday. 

Today, I went back to high school and shot these photos. It's crazy how some places make you feel so young and so old. 

xx

IF YOU WANNA FIND LOVE THEN YOU KNOW WHERE THE CITY IS

Dress: STYLEWE

Socks: Target

Sandals: Teva 

So this is a funny story. For the past year, my mom has been sending me links from this site called STYLEWE. Her method of indirectly telling me I should ditch my weird sense of style and adopt a more Swiftian (as in Taylor Swift; not Jonathan Swift who I'm more sartorially akin to) way of dress. I opened one link, saw formfitting dresses and swiftly (ha) clicked out because, as you know, potato-sack chic is more my thing. From then on, I chose to ignore the flood of STYLEWE links in my email and texts. Sorry mom. 

8 months later, I get an email from STYLEWE asking me if I'll wear one of their products and feature it on my blog. Not making the connection that the STYLEWE that contacted me was my mom's beloved STYLEWE, I said sure because I'm a yes person. Scrolling through the site, I still didn't make the connection because they had all these gloriously kooky dresses. I sent my best friend Ronnie a milli links because I couldn't choose. There was a voluminous gray sweater dress. An adorable pink wool dress with stitched floral embellishments and a Peter Pan collar. This elegant powder blue midi dress. SO many options! I finally chose the above black number because it's versatile with ruffly flair! I can wear this to work, to a fancy schmancy event and to a lazy brunch with friends. 

When I got the package in the mail, I showed my mom and she was like, "OMG, it's STYLEWE, my favorite!" And I was like, "Que?" And she was like, "I send you links from them all the time! I check their site every morning!" And I was like, "HAHAHHAA, oops I stopped opening those links." So yeah, my mom freaked out and I laughed for an entire week because what the what. I don't know how they found me. Maybe the power of my mom's fandom created some sort of cosmic catalyst that resulted in this blogpost. So random. So hilarious. 

The moral of this story is that STYLEWE doesn't just sell tight, Taylor-Swift dresses. They also have dresses that fit my eccentric taste. Since the dress I chose is pretty tame, I decided to spruce it up with polka-dot socks and my iridescent Tevas. I felt like Man Repeller, which is always #outfitgoals. Some dude in the drive-thru of In-N-Out was also a really big fan of this get-up, so I'm not sure it succeeded in the literal man repelling sense...oh well, ya win some, ya lose some. I love it and that's what really matters. 

If you want to turn into my mom, you can voraciously consume STYLEWE's blog here and lurk their Pinterest here. My mom's going to be so stoked about this post. That is, if she reads this. She definitely reads STYLEWE's blog more than mine. It's ok. I'm not offended. Love you mom! 

:) 

Music

The 1975 all day errrrday

xx

TOUJOURS JEUNE

99 problems and most of them are due to my affinity for Byronic heroes 

HeywhatsupHELLO, I decided to make these shirts because 

1) I couldn't find a Kerouac shirt that I liked online or in-stores so I decided to make my own. It was inspired by how powerhouse publisher and all-around cool dude Barney Rosset made it possible for writers, like Kerouac, to use the word fuck. As someone with a punk rock mentality when it comes to literary endeavors (no I unfortunately never went through a sartorial punk rock phase #sigh #iwish), I am obsessed with the malleability of meaning and the fluidity of words. I actually wrote my honors thesis about stepping away from the confines of standard definitions and plunging into a wonderland of new words for the sake of sonic pathos. After all, what if someone years and years and years ago decided that cat would be the equivalent of Lord Voldemort instead of fuck? Anyways, I'm blabbering, this shirt really says it all. 

2) Duh, YEEZY SEASON

Because some people have already approached me about purchasing the Kerouac tee, I've decided to sell it! Click here to get one now!

xx

Gossamer

Top: Vintage

Culottes: H&M

Sandals: Target

Summer is here and MakeSpace (an on-demand storage service that picks up, stores and delivers your stuff !!!) recently asked me what I'm wearing and I chose, quite possibly, the worst outfit for the hottest season. In my defense, it's been unusually cold in LA, like, 50 (or maybe I'm hyperbolizing and it's actually been 60 but it feels like 50 so we're going with 50) degrees. And since anything below 70 is scarf and heavy jacket weather here in Southern California, I thought this was the perfect outfit for a gloomy and gray day. But as soon as I stepped outside and started trekking around Silver Lake, the sun came out and the temperatures rose. So yeah, I pretty much sweated up a salty rainstorm in my thick wool dress-that-I-turned-into-a-top-because-it's-a-little-on-the-short-side. My friends told me to just take off my pants, which I almost did, but then I realized I was carrying a tiny red velvet backpack and had no place to store them, so I just decided to boil away in the name of fashion. I felt like The Row in this look so it was worth it. Sorta. 

Speaking of storing shiz, MakeSpace is definitely better than a tiny red velvet backpack. If you have a lot of clothes, like I do, MakeSpace can come and plop all your fall/winter clothes in a storage facility so you don't have to dig through heaps of sweaters and jackets to get to your summer dresses and shorts. This translates to more minutes of sleep in the mornings, which is always a victory. If you want to spend less time riffling through your closet and more time in bed, check out MakeSpace's self-storage locations here and click your way to a more seasonally-appropriate closet. 

Music

Moai Y Yo by Maria Usbeck

Uno De Tus Ojos by Maria Usbeck

Never Ending by Rihanna 

Love on the Brain by Rihanna 

Higher by Rihanna 

Close To You by Rihanna

(Listen to the last 4 songs in chronological order and try not to cry.)

xx

Nuvole Bianche

"I get (stuck in a creative rut) every month, same time of the month. I'm like, 'Fuck this, I can't do it anymore. There is too much work.' Then I cry it out and the next day I get my period and I'm like, 'Oh yeah that's why I feel like this.' But really, as an entrepreneur, you run into so many obstacles, but it's those very obstacles that make you grow and make you into a better businesswoman. At the end of the day you're going to pull through because you love it." 

I interviewed illustrator Tuesday Bassen and HLZBLZ creator Miss Lawn for BUNCH Magazine. Grab a copy here and read allllll about fighting the patriarchy, balancing creative with business and more. 

xx

The Colour In Anything

"I was not looking for my dreams to interpret my life, but rather for my life to interpret my dreams." 

Musica

I Need A Forest Fire by James Blake

A Change Of Heart by The 1975

東風破 by Jay Chou

Lucerne Valley

Photos: Nicole Toczauer

saltwhipped soarings

a lightless dream

all components of

a particle adventure!

a-rolling down the Baptismal dust

incessant mismembered holy incantations

played during the crescendo flight

flowers fall

faded on a kind of destiny

chrysanthemumscatteredinjuries

welcome, babydoll, welcome

xx